This Is The End My Friend

I haven't watched television in two days. Two fucking days. I am having heavy withdrawal. I need a fucking drink. I just texted someone to see if they wanted to sleep together and they said, "No, I need space." And I in turn freaked the fuck out. I am one messed up cookie. I mean seriously. I give up tv and now I want a goddamn cigarette. My BF (well, I'm not sure right now) just turned off his phone because my response to, "Not tonight. I feel like I need space" (I understand this is a valid statement.) was.... Yeah? What do you think it was? I said, "That's cool, sweetie. Have a good night. :)" No!!!!!! I said, "Fuck you." Yeah, that's right folks. I said, "Fuck you." To the person I love. Do you know I don't even say, "Fuck you" to mean strangers or belligerent homeless men? I am out of my gourd right now. I need a fucking cigarette. Or a hundred of those. Fucking shit. Breathe. And don't watch tv. I just juggle my bad habits around. And if I'm not doing any of them, I just turn into a Freakazoid. Does anyone remember that cartoon?
I can do this. I can give up tv and not go buy forties and cigarettes and drive to meet Jill. I am Rick. And Jillian and everyone else. I hear a story about a man who jumped off some weather thing and I wonder what went wrong in his life. Where was the alcohol and the cigs and the drugs and the tv for him? Did he just bypass all that stuff? Man, this is hard. Most times I just feel like I'm passing time before I die. Everything's just a distraction. Infinitesimal doses of morphine.

10 Moments Left

Really need to get glasses. My eyeballs can't take this many years of contacts. One time I got an infected eye from wearing them in too many nights. It was horrible and I was drunk holding my eye screaming, "something is wrong" while my ex had to drive me to the hospital during a party at his house.  I almost lost my eyeball.
Anyway, no smoothie today. One cup o' coffee. A rubinator and some rawraw and potato salad. Ack. Forgot to take my vitamin.

VS Catalog

I feel like shit. Not because of a virus. Raspberry leaf tea makes me feel a little better. Green smoothies do not make me feel better.

It's a freezer outside. My face is pale because there is no sun. A couple ladies came in from the "west coast" which is what they said. Their faces were nice and flushed with color. I pray to the vegan god I don't believe in that one day me and blueberry can vacation in warm sunny places while it is balls deep in the lower temps here.

                                                          This is what it would be like. Sigh.

Pepin Iris

So New Year's Eve was all right. Bakersfield and I fought about smoking cigs. I didn't drink at all NYE, but I did drink the night before at the Fox. Maybe 4 beers. I smoked four cigs. And guess what I wasn't drunk at all. Awesome sauce to that. I attribute this to my healthy diet. It almost makes me just want to eat super healthy, but then drink a lot. No, cigs though because this obviously upsets Blueberry and we can't be having that plus I really don't like smoking because it makes my throat hurt and I told myself I would quit.
Been watching lots of x-files. One of my fave ones recently is all of them!!! I fucking love pool. And I'm tired of writing. I wish I had a cat. It would be awesome if I lived with Bakersfield and we had two cats.

                                          This was a pretty good one.

                                       

Face MaskFace Mask

I have a face mask and a hangover on. Ran into Hayley (sp?) at...fucking Kroger. Yeah, I went there that night! WTF. I needed smoothie ingredients.

Anyway, I don't have enough pics. So on this other blog that I effing love that I just looked at written by this super awesome girl, I saw that she uses pictures from other sources and doesn't use a super expensive camera. Genius. I have no pics. I think I might start adding pics. They are fun. And so are videos.

Oh yeah, ran into Jeremy that works at B&N. If I send a script he will draw with me!!!! Holy Fucking Physics. Serendipity.

Wotd is portmanteau. Look it up you're on the pooter.

                                           New Year's Day!!!

Deftones Makes Me Feel Like Awesome

I drink every now and then, no cigs for a couple or three weeks. Money smells like skating rinks. I eat raw greens of some kind everyday in large quantities. I wish there was a comfy chair to sit on here. I may just play words with friends. Ugh. Spinach, romaine, springmix, green leaf. To be exact. I take a vitamin everyday. Deva- spirulina covered. I took a trip to Va Beach on plane. I had the worst eye bags. I thought it might be iron so I spooned some mole-asses in me. Somewhere online it says to eat with vitamin C so I took an emergen-C afterwards. Got lots of sleep with Bakersfield and today they are not totally gone, but better.
My uncle said he thinks vegans are pale and white. Which I was. Blah. It sucks because I am not vegan because I want to be healthy.
And I would really like to lose 10 pounds. Don't really care about girls being obsessed with looks. I care.

And I am not shopping at Kroger anymore!!!!!

I think.

I am going to make a very conscious effort not to. I need their TP!!! Ahhhh!!! No I can do without Aloe TP.

Motivation

Oh yeah, now I want to make my own donuts for extra income. Vegan of course. They seemed to go pretty well and I fucking love donuts. Fucking love them. I think I need a fryer though for perfection but maybe not.
I'm still going to try to sell my writings to magazines, too and write books.
Eli and I have started a little writer's workshop thingie. I am excited and have to print out ten pages of my book Defective and type up my short story and work on my screenplay. Must go to Barnes&Noble for writing books.