Bummed out. But I gotta make that money. 24 more minutes until store closing. I have a kombucha. And I am thinking of healthy things to fill my body with.
4 cups of coffee...100
Half a bag of
Gardein's Mandarin
Orange Chicken...320
Veggies(steamed)..50
Rice (brown).....110
Potstickers........500
Temptress....500
Pot Salad.....350
Bowl of Soup...250
kombucha...60
garlic bread..100
Total is.....2340
aaaaaHH!!!!!
Like beet and apple juice. Kombucha. Home-made kombucha. Beet kvass. Coconut water. Lots of raw fruits and veggies. Salads. Salads. Salads. Green Smoothies. Green Juices. Blue-green algae. And more.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
FML and EEL
That means: Fuck My Life and Everyone Else's Life.
I've been too complacent in my life. I just went from server to cashier and now I am upset. 4 more hours.
Just saw a cute baby, but surprise, the mom is fat and ugly. Because that's exactly what I want to do. Get a fat ass and have a husband that looks like a faggot.
But that's...shit I had to ring someone out and totally forgot. Oh, wait. My not-hubby doesn't look like that. I have to pee.
I still have to pee.
I am tired and it is hard today not to go over 1500 cals. I'm at 1329. Which is probably just enough for 2 kombuchas. I might stab someone. I need to sleep in. I love sleeping in. Waking up at 9am is death for me.
I can't keep smiling people. Get a life. 3 hours left. Still have to clean kitchen and I feel like finding stuff to put on order list. Party tonight. Thinking about what to wear. This girl right here is deep!!!
I've been too complacent in my life. I just went from server to cashier and now I am upset. 4 more hours.
Just saw a cute baby, but surprise, the mom is fat and ugly. Because that's exactly what I want to do. Get a fat ass and have a husband that looks like a faggot.
But that's...shit I had to ring someone out and totally forgot. Oh, wait. My not-hubby doesn't look like that. I have to pee.
I still have to pee.
I am tired and it is hard today not to go over 1500 cals. I'm at 1329. Which is probably just enough for 2 kombuchas. I might stab someone. I need to sleep in. I love sleeping in. Waking up at 9am is death for me.
I can't keep smiling people. Get a life. 3 hours left. Still have to clean kitchen and I feel like finding stuff to put on order list. Party tonight. Thinking about what to wear. This girl right here is deep!!!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
An Unfortunate Woman I Am
So I need to get going on my other blog, OTRVegan. Shit. Soon. Maybe Monday. I really need cuddles. I have already watched four episodes of "Superskinny VS Supersize". I was thinking about why I liked it so much. Here are my reasons:
1. They have accents.
2. I know nothing about English people and their crisps and chips and pork pies (as I am writing this I realize I know nothing about the geography "over-there" either, I know that makes me stupid, oh well).
3. I like Dr. Christian and the faces he makes (like hey fattie, you can't eat all this bad shit, you're gonna fucking die).
4. I love being mortified by the size of obese people.
5. I dream of the next show which would be, "Supersize VS Superskinny" where all the anorexic people became obese and all the obese people became anorexic and Dr. Christian just starts cussing everyone out.
Liz Lovely Cowgirl Cookies are the shit. Vegan cookie dough mashed into a cookie shape. Huge chocolate chips. 840 calories in two cookies. Whoa. I could have four cookies and two kombuchas and end up with 1740 calories. Perfect. Next fad. The Komcookie diet. Yum.
My new healthy endeavor is....calorie counting!!! It's fun and saves me money. Today I had coffee, Rubin, chili, molasses, vitamin, emergen-C, hot wings, ranch, 1 1/2 kombucha, 1/4 cowgirl cookie (I make these last, I'm broke), salad, and that's it.
I must slumber and not text Jared Leto look-a-like even though I want to tell him I love him, but if he doesn't ask me to cuds soon I am blowing up his favorite place, KS CASHED.
1. They have accents.
2. I know nothing about English people and their crisps and chips and pork pies (as I am writing this I realize I know nothing about the geography "over-there" either, I know that makes me stupid, oh well).
3. I like Dr. Christian and the faces he makes (like hey fattie, you can't eat all this bad shit, you're gonna fucking die).
4. I love being mortified by the size of obese people.
5. I dream of the next show which would be, "Supersize VS Superskinny" where all the anorexic people became obese and all the obese people became anorexic and Dr. Christian just starts cussing everyone out.
Liz Lovely Cowgirl Cookies are the shit. Vegan cookie dough mashed into a cookie shape. Huge chocolate chips. 840 calories in two cookies. Whoa. I could have four cookies and two kombuchas and end up with 1740 calories. Perfect. Next fad. The Komcookie diet. Yum.
My new healthy endeavor is....calorie counting!!! It's fun and saves me money. Today I had coffee, Rubin, chili, molasses, vitamin, emergen-C, hot wings, ranch, 1 1/2 kombucha, 1/4 cowgirl cookie (I make these last, I'm broke), salad, and that's it.
I must slumber and not text Jared Leto look-a-like even though I want to tell him I love him, but if he doesn't ask me to cuds soon I am blowing up his favorite place, KS CASHED.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
I Have To Go To Bed
And I'm glad I have lots of pillows. Some from my friend Jody whom(?) I dearly miss. What the fuck am I doing?
I am just now going to bed after some tame debauchery. Some at the Pussy Palace. Some at Pepper Pod. Some with Hayley and Simon and Sam(?).
I don't know why, but I feel like my relationship just ended. I hope he doesn't care enough about me to read my blog because nothing really happened except me not respecting space. Surprise. That last thing about turning off the phone, it's scratching at me to the spine. I don't know what's going to happen when we talk again. I don't think I can handle him telling me that I need to fix something about myself or that I have some deep-seated issues or that he needs more time away from me. I just don't have anymore left in me. I want to wallow hard. I want to wallow so hard. I miss sadness. I've lost myself and I'm not even sure I had ever found myself.
I'm going to try to ignore the whole incident. That's healthy.
I'm going to cry.
There's not anything that I'm thinking that a million other people haven't already thought. I tell myself this because being unoriginal is my savior. It calms me down. You don't want to find too much solace in your melancholy.
I had 1800 calories today. (It's my new thing. Counting calories. Third day.)
I try to keep giving up things so I can work on something, but something is amiss. I feel not good enough. I think I'm not good enough. I'm not well off enough. I'm not pretty or skinny enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not the one. Another notch. Another conquest in my future. I'm so tired of myself.
It's some damn balancing game. Cigarettes are my unfortunate brain food. Alcohol my thirst-quenching cherry coke on a sweltering summer afternoon. Sugar and caffeine my wake up calls. TV, the revered parent I never had. Romantic love, the one pillar in life aside from money, god, and kids that I do not abhor.
I am addicted to distracting myself.
Sometimes on a walk or bike ride across the bridge when no one is around, I dramatically stop to hang over the edge pondering wistfully if I could ever have the balls to jump off. Is that what happens when you're not addicted anymore?
Do you compare the scales and realize your addictions don't outweigh the heartache?
Our society has this weird view of suicide like it's an abomination. I would say living your life as if you are going to live forever is delusional.
Anyway, that's not where I was going.
I just wanted to say
I'm not happy.
P.S. WOTD is eschewed.
I am just now going to bed after some tame debauchery. Some at the Pussy Palace. Some at Pepper Pod. Some with Hayley and Simon and Sam(?).
I don't know why, but I feel like my relationship just ended. I hope he doesn't care enough about me to read my blog because nothing really happened except me not respecting space. Surprise. That last thing about turning off the phone, it's scratching at me to the spine. I don't know what's going to happen when we talk again. I don't think I can handle him telling me that I need to fix something about myself or that I have some deep-seated issues or that he needs more time away from me. I just don't have anymore left in me. I want to wallow hard. I want to wallow so hard. I miss sadness. I've lost myself and I'm not even sure I had ever found myself.
I'm going to try to ignore the whole incident. That's healthy.
I'm going to cry.
There's not anything that I'm thinking that a million other people haven't already thought. I tell myself this because being unoriginal is my savior. It calms me down. You don't want to find too much solace in your melancholy.
I had 1800 calories today. (It's my new thing. Counting calories. Third day.)
I try to keep giving up things so I can work on something, but something is amiss. I feel not good enough. I think I'm not good enough. I'm not well off enough. I'm not pretty or skinny enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not the one. Another notch. Another conquest in my future. I'm so tired of myself.
It's some damn balancing game. Cigarettes are my unfortunate brain food. Alcohol my thirst-quenching cherry coke on a sweltering summer afternoon. Sugar and caffeine my wake up calls. TV, the revered parent I never had. Romantic love, the one pillar in life aside from money, god, and kids that I do not abhor.
I am addicted to distracting myself.
Sometimes on a walk or bike ride across the bridge when no one is around, I dramatically stop to hang over the edge pondering wistfully if I could ever have the balls to jump off. Is that what happens when you're not addicted anymore?
Do you compare the scales and realize your addictions don't outweigh the heartache?
Our society has this weird view of suicide like it's an abomination. I would say living your life as if you are going to live forever is delusional.
Anyway, that's not where I was going.
I just wanted to say
I'm not happy.
P.S. WOTD is eschewed.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
This Is The End My Friend
I haven't watched television in two days. Two fucking days. I am having heavy withdrawal. I need a fucking drink. I just texted someone to see if they wanted to sleep together and they said, "No, I need space." And I in turn freaked the fuck out. I am one messed up cookie. I mean seriously. I give up tv and now I want a goddamn cigarette. My BF (well, I'm not sure right now) just turned off his phone because my response to, "Not tonight. I feel like I need space" (I understand this is a valid statement.) was.... Yeah? What do you think it was? I said, "That's cool, sweetie. Have a good night. :)" No!!!!!! I said, "Fuck you." Yeah, that's right folks. I said, "Fuck you." To the person I love. Do you know I don't even say, "Fuck you" to mean strangers or belligerent homeless men? I am out of my gourd right now. I need a fucking cigarette. Or a hundred of those. Fucking shit. Breathe. And don't watch tv. I just juggle my bad habits around. And if I'm not doing any of them, I just turn into a Freakazoid. Does anyone remember that cartoon?
I can do this. I can give up tv and not go buy forties and cigarettes and drive to meet Jill. I am Rick. And Jillian and everyone else. I hear a story about a man who jumped off some weather thing and I wonder what went wrong in his life. Where was the alcohol and the cigs and the drugs and the tv for him? Did he just bypass all that stuff? Man, this is hard. Most times I just feel like I'm passing time before I die. Everything's just a distraction. Infinitesimal doses of morphine.
I can do this. I can give up tv and not go buy forties and cigarettes and drive to meet Jill. I am Rick. And Jillian and everyone else. I hear a story about a man who jumped off some weather thing and I wonder what went wrong in his life. Where was the alcohol and the cigs and the drugs and the tv for him? Did he just bypass all that stuff? Man, this is hard. Most times I just feel like I'm passing time before I die. Everything's just a distraction. Infinitesimal doses of morphine.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
10 Moments Left
Really need to get glasses. My eyeballs can't take this many years of contacts. One time I got an infected eye from wearing them in too many nights. It was horrible and I was drunk holding my eye screaming, "something is wrong" while my ex had to drive me to the hospital during a party at his house. I almost lost my eyeball.
Anyway, no smoothie today. One cup o' coffee. A rubinator and some rawraw and potato salad. Ack. Forgot to take my vitamin.
Anyway, no smoothie today. One cup o' coffee. A rubinator and some rawraw and potato salad. Ack. Forgot to take my vitamin.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
VS Catalog
I feel like shit. Not because of a virus. Raspberry leaf tea makes me feel a little better. Green smoothies do not make me feel better.
It's a freezer outside. My face is pale because there is no sun. A couple ladies came in from the "west coast" which is what they said. Their faces were nice and flushed with color. I pray to the vegan god I don't believe in that one day me and blueberry can vacation in warm sunny places while it is balls deep in the lower temps here.
This is what it would be like. Sigh.
It's a freezer outside. My face is pale because there is no sun. A couple ladies came in from the "west coast" which is what they said. Their faces were nice and flushed with color. I pray to the vegan god I don't believe in that one day me and blueberry can vacation in warm sunny places while it is balls deep in the lower temps here.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Pepin Iris
So New Year's Eve was all right. Bakersfield and I fought about smoking cigs. I didn't drink at all NYE, but I did drink the night before at the Fox. Maybe 4 beers. I smoked four cigs. And guess what I wasn't drunk at all. Awesome sauce to that. I attribute this to my healthy diet. It almost makes me just want to eat super healthy, but then drink a lot. No, cigs though because this obviously upsets Blueberry and we can't be having that plus I really don't like smoking because it makes my throat hurt and I told myself I would quit.
Been watching lots of x-files. One of my fave ones recently is all of them!!! I fucking love pool. And I'm tired of writing. I wish I had a cat. It would be awesome if I lived with Bakersfield and we had two cats.
This was a pretty good one.
Been watching lots of x-files. One of my fave ones recently is all of them!!! I fucking love pool. And I'm tired of writing. I wish I had a cat. It would be awesome if I lived with Bakersfield and we had two cats.
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